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Monday, September 22, 2008

Why We Love Our Children....

Okay, this isn't mine. But it was too funny not to share:

Why do we love our children?

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked!

As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."


3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone.

Her daughter, happy to oblige, did so, saying, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police," she said. "Is
that right?"

"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he
asked.

"It sure is," I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the
van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a formal party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

9) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they
won't let me talk!"

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 3:22:00 PM GMT+3  
Blogger Ways of Zion said...

you just made my day! Thanks!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 4:28:00 PM GMT+3  
Blogger aliyah06 said...

Glad you liked them!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 5:03:00 PM GMT+3  
Blogger Gila said...

Great way to start a day--thanks!

Monday, September 29, 2008 at 8:36:00 AM GMT+3  
Blogger aliyah06 said...

You're welcome--credit to the retired cop who forwarded them to me in the first place. I TRULY identified with #9--that's exactly how I felt after the first week of kindergarten.

Monday, September 29, 2008 at 11:28:00 AM GMT+3  

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